2 Fast Going Nowhere

I was pretending. I hated the way he referred to me "as his good
girl gone bad," we were "Bonney and Clyde," his nasty jokes, his
arrogant tone whenever he talked about hustlin'. I listened to that
shit day in and day out, but I love him.
There was nobody I could talk to about Aman. Tee and I
weren't kicking it anymore. I got tired of her jealous lies. My moms
didn't know shit, but I doubt she would have cared. Geraldine
Price was at home with a joint in one hand, and a screwdriver
in the other. Gerri at one time had been one of the prettiest girls
in Foundation Park, but years of drinking, druggin', and having
babies, had added years to her round face. I am the oldest out of
three girls, and mom's just hated me for some reason. I think she's
mad at my deadbeat daddy, for not sticking around. Growing
up, it didn't matter whatever I did, she was always pissed. "La,
you didn't wash the dishes right, I didn't raise no trifiling girls, so
clean that bathroom again." "Don't ask about your sorry daddy,
if he wanted your ass, he would be here with you." Gerri didn't
mind hurting your feelings. In a lot of ways we are alike, we don't
take no mess. I just wish we could get along better, yet I wish
she would stop drinking, and stop being so mean to me. When
I was little, and she made me mad, I would pretend to runaway
to my father's house, he would be loving, warm and happy to
see me; whoever he is. I've never met the man; don't even have
a picture of him.
It's a sour note with moms, she won't tell me his name, or
maybe she's too ashamed to tell me she never knew it. Moms used
to be hot stuff. Back in the day, she could be with any dude she
wanted. Our house on Des Moines Avenue was always jumping.
There were late-night parties, drunken dances, Aunt Phyllis in
the kitchen, frying chicken dinners, liquor, and weed running
rampant. Mom used to run a shot house, until Turner came along.
Turner was mom's on-again, off-again boyfriend. He used to work
2 FAST GOING NOWHERE 21
at the Coca-Cola plant making good money. I remember he used
to give us ten dollars a piece, every time he saw us. He used to
drive a tan Cadillac with the spare on the back. Now he rides a
ten speed. The both of them now, just spend their time getting
drunk. When they're on the outs, it was usually because Turner
drank up all the rent money, or the drug dealers already have his
money from his SSI check.
Gerri thinks I'm stupid, but I know Turner does crack, and
I just prey she doesn't start. As long as the money was flowing,
things were chill, but I hated being home. I didn't want to be
watching no kids, I felt like I was just the babysitter. So I stayed
gone at least two to three nights a week. I figured I was helping
out the grocery bill. I thought my life was fine as long as I had
my man, and that was all that mattered to me. The bottom was
about to fall from under, and I didn't even have a clue.
22 ZENOBIA
1-27-92
"Daddy Fuck Me," I screamed, as I rode Aman. My body was all
over the ma...