All About Eva

My name is Evadne Cavell and I have an embarrassing secret.

The men I encounter aren’t interested in big, beautiful Black women like me—not out in the open anyway. So I go to dark theaters and let anonymous men fondle me in the dark.

Why do I do this?

Because I’m the proverbial “good girl,” the youngest daughter of a prominent family.

Because I teach at a private Denver college with a new administration intent on taking the “liberal” out of liberal arts.

Because I need a way to vent my sexual frustration. 

But I have to stay in control. I lost control three years ago and live in fear of being exposed. At the same time, I want to be an object—touched, petted, wanted—desired—but by my rules.

I can look and I can touch, but no names, no eye contact, and no talking.

Then I meet Joshua Delaney, a graphic artist from Texas who has me breaking my rules faster than a tornado leveling a trailer park. Soon I’m doing things I’ve never done before.

Letting myself get manhandled in the dark is not smart or safe, and I’ve been lucky so far. But I don’t think I can keep this going for much longer. I want to live my life without shame but society feels entitled to define me.

I can trust you, right?

I need to tell someone everything, exactly what I think, exactly what I feel—everything I have been going through.

I want to tell you…All About Eva.