Alone In The Dark, My Battle With Depression

If I do not heal, there will be nothing left of me! My pieces are fragmented; someone, please help me!

I've cried out to God, went to church faithfully, fasted, and paid my tithes; why do I still want to end my life? Nothing is helping. Changing my hair, wearing make-up every day, the relationship, or my new job could not change how I felt about my life. I could not escape it. As much as I ran, it always found me. I am okay for so long; then it begins again. I want to feel better about myself. I want to enjoy my life, but I can not get beyond this thorn in my flesh.

Have you ever thought about or done any of this? I did countless times. I questioned my existence more times than a few before I knew I was battling what you would call depression. There was a pain that left me gasping for air. There was a deep need for help that went unnoticed. I expected someone to have the answer to my problem, and when no one did, I felt rejected. Everything made me cry. Many saw my tears as a sign of adoration for them, but they were not. Some of those people I did not care for like that. Coping mechanisms muzzled those internal screams until nothing worked. I had built an immunity to a lot. I needed a more substantial hit, but even I had limits.

My battle with depression was one I fought for decades. Internally, a war was raging, and I could not take it anymore. I was so tired of fighting that it seemed easier to die or numb my feelings. Trying to stay strong for my daughter, I faked it as long as possible. Sadly, she witnessed my breakdowns, but I am grateful she also saw me heal. I learned most unpleasantly what working out my soul's salvation meant for me. It took thoughts of swallowing gasoline before I went within and saved myself.

Alone In The Dark will show you glimpses of the depressive experiences I have faced and how I coped, only to look for a way out time and time again. Read page by page as I offer holistic methods to break painful cycles of your life if you can relate.

Your time is now; you owe it to yourself!