America, But Better

Based on their hilarious viral campaign, a new satirical political party announces its Canadacy for president of the United States This isn't an invasion, it's an intervention. From the country that brought you toques and Justin Bieber comes a plan to restore America to its former glory. The U.S. political system increasingly resembles an all-chimp revue of Cats, and its citizens are looking for a new leader. That leader is Canada. After launching their campaign on YouTube to 700,000 hits, and interviews with CNN and the Huffington Post, the leaders of the Canada Party here unveil their platform for U.S .presidency. Their promises: Oil pipelines will carry maple syrup, so if there's a spill, at least the animals will be tasty. The phrase "job creators" will be changed to "job creationists," and they will be given seven days to actually create some. Corners will be installed in the Oval Office, and timeouts given to Congressmen who can't play nice. The Constitution will be amended to address hockey issues. America, but Better combines the doctrine of American exceptionalism with a dose of Canadian humility and common sense. Covering everything from economic policy to gay rights to waterboarding, this manifesto of the Canada Party offers a helping hand to its southern neighbors before Americans begin chanting, "Yes We Canada."