As She Was Dying

The daughter. The mom. The disease. For five years, the three were agonizingly inseparable. In 1992, Mary Wilhoit's mother descended quickly into the oblivion of Alzheimer's. Mary, who was an only child, and her younger son became her mother's keepers. In this strikingly frank and vivid memoir, Mary brings into sharp focus how a debilitating disease such as Alzheimer's wreaks havoc on caregivers.

Her frustrations, carefully chronicled in a journal, were deep and wide. The years became not just about her mother's physical care, but the emotional and financial upheaval the condition caused. Mary reflects with raw honesty on the irony of caring for a parent with whom she really never bonded as a child. In unimaginable ways, the caretaking consumed Mary's life and overtook her personal well-being. Mary herself fell into depression and despair. Finding solace in an online community, Mary shared the excruciating range of emotions she experienced, emotions ranging from disgust to pity, from courage to exhaustion.

As the U.S. population ages, health care for our elders is becoming a larger issue than ever before. Mary's insight provides a perspective intended to share her experience with others, many of whom may profit from the lessons and insight she gained.