Behind Her Badge

Ive been called a badass cop throughout my career but the truth is that isnt the real me at least, not how Ive ever viewed myself. Behind that veneer there has always been an insecure little girl who struggled to find her way in life. I was in search of strength and self-confidence when I entered my law enforcement career, but I ended up suffering new traumas that I was ill prepared to cope with. I struggled to find success in the tough, gritty, male dominated world of policing. I faced biases, repeated layoffs, and became a seasoned undercover officer working as a prostitute, drug addict, and thief. I left law enforcement and returned to college, where education and research offered me enlightenment to the realities of policing that I was too submerged into the subculture to see. I was forced to come to grips with the many mistakes and misconceptions I made while working as a police officer and only now do I understand how institutional biases are perpetuating many of the same mistakes I made in policing today.