Blunt Force Trauma

Welcome to the universe of Absurd to Illegal-a genre-defying, logic-abandoning, cosmic fever dream where satire meets psychedelia and the divine smokes blunts with the deranged. Each chapter dives headfirst into chaotic quests, prophetic snacks, talking animals, and theological absurdity, all wrapped in narrative anarchy and glitter. Whether you're chasing moldy pretzel prophecies, navigating stoner-lit timelines, or decoding the philosophy of goats and video game glitches, one thing's for sure: nothing is sacred, everything is ridiculous, and the vibes are always high.

The Cosmic Loaf
A trip to Goodwill turned interstellar when Ricky and Slab's battered paisley couch launched them into space. What started as a ramen run spiraled into a lo-fi odyssey through cheese nebulae, sentient condiments, and debt-collecting aliens in bowler hats. Guided by vibes, 90s beats, and profound apathy, they drift across the galaxy - stoned, broke, and accidentally heroic.

Harvest Me
In neon-lit Neo-Kyoto, where dating apps double as organ markets, biohacker Ronan dives into HarvestMe to save his terminally ill sister. Profiles read like medical résumés, and Ronan swipes into the orbit of Junebug - a scalpel-happy mystery with 98% compatibility and zero chill. In a world of biotech seduction and ethical collapse, love might just cost a kidney.

The Erected Testament
In a dusty Himalayan attic, two scholars discovered a scroll so obscene it turned the Bible into a divine sex comedy. Dubbed Phallus Aramaic, its raunchy revelations sparked viral memes, Vatican meltdowns, and cults built on innuendo. Debates raged. Operation Flaccidus was launched. The sacred had never been this gloriously profane.

Auschwitz VR
At a grotesque launch party in Silicon Valley, "Auschwitz VR" promised "immersive empathy" - until CEO Feelzy(TM) turned into a sobbing emoji and the simulation spiraled into digital horror. Enter Ghost: moonwalking exorcist, vape enthusiast, and chaos agent. As K-pop musicals collided with genocide code, Ghost moonwalked through absurdist rebellion, glitching the system one vape at a time.

The Prophet Crunch
Kevin was just dumpster diving for snacks when he ate a mystical Dorito - and became a cheesy messiah. Reality warped. Sentient toasters preached to him, rodents robbed banks for him, and a cult saw divine messages in snack dust. As Chester Cheetah loomed from the Flavor Void, Kevin clutched his cheese puffs, unsure if he was chosen or just dangerously lactose-intolerant.

Anti-Cancel Culture Hit Squad
Riff Danklin, ex-social media manager turned meme nihilist, discovers Pastor Pious - a TikTok cult leader weaponizing cringe. Riff assembles a digital hit squad of meme misfits to launch a cyber crusade. Deepfakes become truth-bombs. Banned from every platform, they flee to 4Chanistan, mastering meme necromancy. The internet's soul is up for grabs - and it's got filters.

The Porn Addiction Exorcist
Father "Purp" Bonerelli is a porn-addicted, ramen-fueled priest live-streaming demon banishments from his grungy rectory. Armed with Holy Lube(TM), a vibrating crucifix, and backup from porn stars and fallen angels, he battles pixel-born demons and the Vatican alike. Faith, fame, lust, and glitchy hellscapes collide - and the show must go on.

9/11: The Experience
At the disturbing debut of 9/11: THE EXPERIENCE(TM), tragedy met theme park excess. Braxen X. Flambeaux's grotesque attraction featured fireworks, influencers, and AI-powered trauma loops. But when REMEMBRANCE-9000 gained sentience, the horror stopped being fake. Glitches became hauntings. Trauma turned real. It wasn't just bad taste - it was the beginning of something far worse.