Cheeto Dust

From the author: 

 

"What's the book about?" 

 

That’s the first thing everyone asks me. I say, “It’s about millennials,” because an elevator pitch is the opposite of a book and because I’m lazy. Now let me explain. 

 

Millennials met the world at a very strange time in its life. We’re the last generation to unironically make a mix tape. We used to get up early on Saturday mornings because that was the only time cartoons were on. We actually used rotary phone dials. We were raised by people who taught us valuable life skills we’ll never use again, like writing in cursive and balancing a checkbook. We thought Gatorade was a healthy drink. We used to call inanimate objects “gay” as an insult. That stuff is us. But we’re also the generation that created Spotify. TV airs on our schedule (and it “airs” like phones “dial”). We text because phone calls are too intimate. We go months without touching cash (what is the checkbook balancing on anyway?). When it comes to health, we know people who believe in being vegan like our moms believe in Jesus. And there’s nothing we tolerate less than intolerance, of sexual orientation or otherwise. All of this stuff is us, so is it any surprise we’re a contradictory mess? We’re a generation of change. 

 

When I started writing this book in September of 2016, I thought all that stuff was what this book was about. I thought it would be a humorous explanation of why we’re misunderstood, and I’d write it in a way that mimicked the best and worst of who we are.

I wanted people to read it, so I wanted to make it funny. It would be love letter of insults. It would be a gentle defense of crappy attitudes. This would be an ode to millennials, long may we prosper and suck (or something like that). 

 

And most of that stuff is still in here. At least, those five sections still make up the structure. But in the seven months between when I started writing and when I finished my second draft in March of 2017, some crazy stuff happened: The Cubs won the World Series. La La Land didn’t win Best Picture, but Moonlight did. Donald Trump was elected president. My dog died. And, oh yeah, I was hospitalized for blood cancer—acute promyelocytic leukemia—six days before my subsequently cancelled wedding. I am not the same person that started writing this book in 2016, and I don’t think my generation is the same either. 

 

So what’s this book about?  

 

This book is not just kidding around about who millennials are. This book is about how we’re seriously trying to become better. By time you read this, I will have rescheduled that wedding and have gotten married. I will have also tested negative for the genetic mutation that caused m...