Conrad vs Conrad

Itchy's law firm no longer adhered to the practice of chasing ambulances. Their motto was: Everyone is a victim. Don't call us, we're already there! The firm took great pride in being at the scene in a matter of minutes.
"Conrad, I'm going to jump right to the point. You have an excellent opportunity to cash in your misfortune!"
"I guess I don't understand."
"I'm ready to bring litigation against several entities on your behalf, including against yourself."
"I am confused, mostly because the entire incident was my fault."
"Don't you see Conrad, regardless of the outcome of a lawsuit like this, we have the chance to become famous! It will not only enhance my stature in the legal community, but it will give you tremendous notoriety as a writer. You'll no longer be an unknown!"

*********

At the world news center, GNN, Winnie Chen answered the phone. "This is Winnie Chen, how may I help you?"
"Uh...this is Gene Acknee. I work for a lawyer in Wayward County, state of Colorado."
"How may I help you?"
"I've got some information you might be interested in. There seems to be a sensational trial starting here tomorrow."
"And what is that about?"
"Some dude is suing himself!"