Exposing The Groom

How it started:
>How it ended:
Reading all the dirty texts between him and my maid of honor, aka little sister, during our vows in front of the world in what would later be considered one of the most viral wedding videos on TikTok.
Of. All. Time.
Did I mention his vows were before mine, and he compared me to my adopted dog because... and I quote, "I'm so loyal."
It's not my fault that my first instinct, after exposing his dirty lies, was to run up to the clueless rockstar that was supposed to headline my reception and ask him to sing my tears away. I never expected him to help me escape certain disaster, kiss me senseless, and then buy me ice cream.
>How it happened:
In desperation, I sent a drunken text to the hot rockstar with a picture of my turtle, Chuck Norris... in a bowtie. Who knew he would show up at the wedding-but get this, it wasn't to save me, nope, it was to... yup, SING!
SHE STOLE HIM TOO!
But now that he's there and I'm there, and the history is there, I beg him one more time to save me, this time as my date.
But lie after lie just kept pouring out of my mouth until we were somehow fake-engaged.
I would laugh if crying didn't feel so good.
Should have brought the freaking turtle...