From Lost to Found

My mother was a princess because her father was the King of Kings! Somehow she always knew she was a princess. But it wasn’t until she began to experience the debilitating effects of ALS and was forced to be still that she was truly able to know her Father and know that he was God. And in coming to know him, she came to know peace.

And when was I finally still enough to know? It wasn’t during my Catholic-school upbringing as it could have been. I learned of God there, but I did not come know him there. What I did come to know there was an overwhelming fear of him. In fact, by the time I was introduced to AA (Alcoholics Anonymous) at age thirty-four, I thought I was going to hell. I was certain that I had broken all of the Ten Commandments except for maybe “thou shalt not kill.” And it was even possible that I had broken that one in a blackout.

I had felt lost for most of my life, and therefore, had lived a life of chaos and uncertainty. My quest for peace began sometime in my midthirties, when I decided to get sober, but it wasn’t until years later that I would truly find that peace. Unbeknownst to me, there was something blocking my progress—something I thought had been resolved within myself many years earlier. It was only through the death of my mother that I was finally able to move forward and find freedom from the self-sabotage that had kept me stuck for so long.

This is the story of my journey from lost to found, my quest for peace. It is a journey that would take me deep into the darkest corner of my soul and back. A journey that, unknowingly, would lead me to God. My hope is that it provides you with an understanding of what it truly means to be still. And that in being still, you find peace. Safe travels and may God bless you along your journey as I know he will continue to bless me along mine.