Hell of Death

BE WARNED: this book has so much fucking death in it it's unbelievable! 

There's a whole truckload of death! There's more death in this book than ten 9/11s combined! You know the end of Raiders of the Lost Ark where all the Nazis' faces melt off? It's like that but for an entire book.

 

It all starts with a school shooting where a bunch of teens totally get massacred like a bunch of little crybabies. It's brutal as fuck! But as if that wasn't enough, these massacred millennials GO TO HELL! OH MY GOD (or lack thereof). Not only that, but the school shooter dies too and follows them there! He's still shooting at them, but this time, if they die—they die FOREVER. (NO WAY!) We'll meet several demons as they travel through the nine circles of Hell, and they're all totally cool as fuck! You've got Beelzebub, the demon lord of bugs! He's the shit. And you've got Lucifer, the Lord of Light (and a total dick!) Asmodeus—the lord of perversity. I could go on and on, but trust me, they're all so totally evil you'll think you're literally seeing the number 666 on every page!

 

Hell of Death is an offensive, hilarious adventure through the depths of Hell where Satan is like your cool older brother. And at the center of it all is the Hell House, Hell's version of the White House, with its own president and everything. So it's all political and shit, too. But not too political. There's literally a scene where you can't even keep reading anymore because a pit opens beneath you and screaming demons pull you down into the abyss! YOU'LL DIE! HOLY SHIT! Don't read this book without drawing an upside cross on your forehead and a pentagram on the floor. Yell out "Hail Satan!" after every page if you want to survive! And if you don't even want to live anymore, then kill yourself with the special Hell of Death razor blade (sold separately). Satan will be waiting for you! 

SATAN WAITS FOR US ALL!