History of a Galaxy

Never trust a history lesson from an alien. First, they tend to ramble, and second, Xenonite translators aren't all that accurate.
But when a Xenonite spy lands in a remote swamp of central Wisconsin, Yzarc and his crew are standing by, eager to grill it on such topics as "Is it dark in space?" and "Why, of all planets, did you choose to visit earth?"
Since the alien's response was generally off topic as well as incomplete, here is told the history of our galaxy in a format that is a) concise enough to fit on your bookshelf and b) guaranteed to be at least as accurate as the universally regarded Instruction Manual for Xenonite Ciri.
In this book, you will meet the characters who really mattered in ages past, including:
A wise cabinet maker famed for exploding furniture.
A hypochondriac ferryman lost in a swamp.
A quirky yam farmer in search of adventure.
Mad scientists who vanish, taking their cheese with them.
An evil dictator who wants to take over the galaxy.
And many more...