In Tandem

In Tandem is an amusing, insightful, and nuanced how-to memoir on the ins and outs of riding a tandem road bike and the highs and lows of creating a durable relationship.

"...a wonderful, enlightening read that correlates tandem cycling to relationships and more. Not just a must-read for cyclists, everyone will benefit from this introspective view of our interaction with our significant others, ourselves, and some of the best strategies to create a successful team of two." Andy Applegate, Senior Cycling Coach

A mutual friend encourages two middle-aged counselors/coaches to meet. Together they have histories of multiple divorces, breakups, and a death. Neither really expects the other to be the right one, isn't sure the other is even a reasonable next one and has a list of reasons why they are probably the wrong one.

To add complexity to the relationship, the couple decides to try riding a tandem bike with its involved mechanics and balance challenges. The tandem requires the same type of cooperation, negotiations and tolerance as the new relationship with one additional issue, the bike demands coordination and set procedures. The couple prizes independence and flexibility. If they can make the relationship work on the bike, they can probably make it work anywhere.

The story covers many of the trials of merging the lives of two middle-aged adults with lots of profound differences and insecurities into a supportive couple. It captures the complexity of creating a durable twosome while maintaining individuality, the convoluted art of integrating personal responsibility and shared accountability, and the need to not just negotiate but welcome differences when established adult lives are merged.

All their previous failed relationships have laid a foundation for skepticism and doubts. But humor helps heal some of the abrasions as they bump into each other's painful areas. Empathy for those who are a lot less than perfect is a crucial glue. And a robust bridge is quickly built out of a surprising wave of passion that spans their differences until compatibility has a chance to emerge. Tandem riding, solo and in a group of hard-riding, easy-going couples, gives the relationship additional support and focus.

In Tandem has a solid flavor of Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance, without the theoretical complexity. The descriptions of the bike's mechanics often mirror the processes necessary for good interpersonal relating and communication. The relationship insights ride along with the internal insights and the gear selection. The writing style reflects the stated importance of taking things sincerely without allowing life to become too serious.

One could read this for the sage advice on creating and healing a vibrant forgiving couple. Or one could read it to get a primer on tandem riding and building a powerful, resilient team. Alternatively, there is a ...