It's Not Your Fault

Children grieve. They grieve as adults do, going through stages and phases. They may display behaviours such as anger or withdrawal, regressive behaviour or excessive questioning. They may even want to fill mom's shoes and begin parenting their siblings. Words are taken literally; therefore, euphemisms such as "mom has gone to sleep" are detrimental. The child may even harbour feelings of fear and shame and blame themselves for their parent's death, as they may have secretly wished for their mom or dad to die.

We must talk to our children about death at the level of their understanding. Small children have few coping mechanisms and therefore rely on an adult to help them through the grief process. It is appropriate for your child to see you and others grieving and know it is okay to cry when we are sad. It is also essential to include your child in funeral rituals. They may wish to draw a picture, write a poem or sing a song. Being included in funerary practices helps them feel they are still part of the family.

Children also display grief in a myriad of ways at different ages and gender. Therefore, this book is written explicitly for little girls ages two through ten whose mothers have died.

It's Not Your Fault helps parents talk openly and honestly about death and alleviate any fears their child may have. "Helping children cope with death and mourning is a necessary and difficult, but enormously critical task." (Rando, How To Go On Living When Someone You Love Dies.)

I hope It's Not Your Fault helps you and your child begin the journey into your new normal. It will get better!

Kim L. Drake