Legal Eagles, Turkeys and Buzzards

LAWYERS KNOW THESE THINGS!
Louie forked out the last bite of pie, let it melt into his mouth and swallowed with satisfaction. Only then did he look up at Mrs. Bowen.
"Here is what you need to do," he said, holding up the aluminum pie plate with both hands. "Take this and put it on your head and you won't have any more problems."
"But that is just a pie plate," said Mrs. Bowen.
"No, it's a cosmic ray deflector," said Louie. "It will reflect the rays back so they can't bother you any more."
"But what if they bounce off the ground and come up my dress?"
Louie thought about advising that she could put aluminum foil in her pants. But instead, he looked at Mrs. Bowen, sagely and authoritatively, but with compassion and understanding, that is, in that manner reserved for lawyers and priests, and said, "This cosmic ray deflector will solve your problem." "Trust me." "I'm a lawyer." "Lawyers know these things."