Life Goes on After the War

Although many Veterans discovered that picking up from where we left off ptior to being deployed was not easy, neither was it reality; for many, our reality was that our families, loved-ones and places of employment had gone on without us. Nevertheless, they were not solely to blame, yet many of us were not ready to accept the reality, either. I know I sure wasn't. I couldn't accept that my daughter whom I left at fourteen years old and wearing braces and braids was now sixteen and wearing makeup and dating. I couldn't accept that my son whom was eighteen when I was deployed was now a young man at twenty and in college. I still wanted to be mother, yet I felt that I was robbed of my place and responsibility as being mother, because I was absent for almost two years of deployment and two years of their lives. Since my return home and release from active duty status, I tried to pick up from where I left off prior to being deployed to Iraq, but it was difficult. Something was different. I was different and everything and everyone around me appeared different. I tried to shake this feeling and to believe that it was only in my mind, but it was real. I began to ask myself "where do I go from here?" I felt lost and very confused. Although I was home and on civilian soil, day in and day out it was difficult to drive on the roads. I felt myself becoming more irritated and easily agitated with other motorist who would either drive too slow or were driving too close to me. I even began to have road rage. Had I lost my mind over in Iraq? More and more it was becoming difficult to drive and moreover I found myself driving around pot holes in the freeway and even on the local streets, as well as afraid to drive under the overpaths. I became over hypervigilant, in that I would carefully recon the over paths before driving under them. I tried to cognitively recondition my thoughts, by telling myself that I was home and in a safe environment. But was I? Honestly,