Nineteen Unsaid

January 10th, 2013, changed my life forever. There's not a day that goes by that I don't think about it in one way or another. Sometimes I experience a reflection of gratitude for finally feeling beyond it. Other times, the past can feel like an all-consuming clenching of my breath as I remember laying in the backseat of a truck as my "best friend" raped me. That night is always there, tucked into the shadows of my mind, and I still involuntarily relive it. However, I no longer give the horrific remembrance power over my heart the way I once did. I have learned over the years that while that scar will never go away, the darkness of the memory does not hold me prisoner anymore; it does not define me. It took me nearly ten years, but through an unfortunate series of events, I miraculously found myself again. I guess that makes those events not so unfortunate because they helped shape who I am today. This is not a story unlike many others out there; frankly, it is probably a lot lighter than most. Not everyone gets to hear a tearful apology from their rapist, as I eventually did. Not everyone has the kind of parents that will love them at their very worst, and still somehow see the very best in them. And not everyone that loses their faith comes back to it. I am grateful to say that I did.