Parade of Malfeasance

Servals have the fastest paw strike

of any living feline.

Blue whales have the biggest babies

and if spiders weighed 238lbs

maybe then we’d give a fuck

while hailing our methods humane

but for now our capillaries

chug Keystone,

pixelated worlds become womb,

cassowaries won’t eat a local newborn,

and swapping out urinal cakes

pays nine an hour

plus transportation

to and from

whatever holes we crawl.

This ecology is too spicy.

Remember the declaration of independence

from ever again cooking with jalapeño

before buttstuffs?

Once

there was a tiger who choked

on a good time.

Once

there was a boy who ached granular.

11

Once

those two bred

and a children’s book was sold...

...the author of which is a scumbag.

We sing a hymn in her honor.