Rebuilding a Lazy Testimony

Having a loved one turn his back on the faith we embraced through our formative years forced me to honestly reflect on things I had never dared to question before. My journey through my thoughts and with my brother would take me into places I did not expect to go-places that were simultaneously painful as well as uplifting. I would find myself covered in dirt from everything anti-Mormonism has had to throw at me, but I would also find myself shielded and renewed by gaining a deeper understanding of the beautiful truths surrounding The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

I can now see why people fall away from being faithful members of the church. There are a variety of reasons, all of which I now have a much better understanding. I say I have a better understanding, but that does not mean I agree. I do not.It is also easy to see why many relationships do not survive the changes that so often come when a loved one leaves the faith.

This not a fun story. This book is not like the fiction I write where the plot gets thicker as it goes but everyone ends up peachy in the end. Most of this book is the story of two inseparable brothers who go through something so difficult we have to rebuild our relationship from the ground up and, unfortunately, that relationship is never quite the same.

This book is also a personal journey of discovering for myself what it means to have an intimate relationship with my Father in Heaven. And for large portions of this book, I abandon the storyline altogether in order to answer questions I have posed for myself and sort out my jumble of thoughts. Does God even exist? What is religion? Is religion actually important if I consider my spiritual journey to be something personal? What are the aspects of my own religion that I find indispensable and beautiful?

My prayer is that some people will take this story to heart in a way that they can gain for themselves some of the lessons I have learned as they take part in my journey. My hope is that some people can learn from what I have experienced in order to avoid some of the same mistakes I made and sidestep the need to walk the same route. My desire is that someone might read my story and discover a reason to stay in the faith despite the fact that they do not have all the answers.