Struggle Between Two Lives

My name is Jade Xiu, and I exist in two worlds, but I don't feel like I belong to either. I was born to an American father and an Asian mother, with dreams of being free and independent but am bound by the rules of Chinese traditions instead. My everyday life is a constant contradiction, and I can't take it anymore.

My overbearing mother wants me to forget about my dreams and become a pharmacist. I can't do that. I won't.

It goes against all the rules, but rebellion is my only option. I resist at every turn. It drives my mother crazy, and all but ruins our relationship. I naively believed a little strife wouldn't cause long-term damage or years of regret... until life dealt me a devastating blow that sent me into a spiral of depression, anxiety, self-loathing, and shame.

It turns out my inability to fit in, and resistance to my mother's desire to make me see my worth, my potential, and my natural born gifts, weren't the worst things that ever happened to me. The worst thing that ever happened to me was my failure to accept and love who I am, not despite my differences but because of my differences.

I wish I didn't have to learn these truths the hard way.

I wish I could take it all back.

I love you, Mom.