The Baboon's Left Testicle (Part One of Two)

What is there against a Baboon's Left Testicle? And before you all scream "The right one of course!" I feel duty bound to inform you that, in this case, you would be mistaken, for our baboon has suffered a most intimate and injurious injustice - his right testicle has been wrenched from its furry pouch by a person, or persons, unknown in order to fulfil a long-held prophesy and set afoot plans for world domination. And herein lies the confusion in our tale - does the offending scrotal-raider have the right one for the job or is it the wrong one, being the right one? Set alongside this an unlikely group of misfits - including some completely oblivious newly-weds, a 200 year old, dead, gay, unidextrous pie maker and his curious short-arsed lover by the name of Gerard O'nad, a murderous army of Welsh zombies and an all-stitching, all-dancing counter-army of equally murderous Pearly Kings and Queens and you have an almighty pile of baboon excrement - but an equally almighty 'bloody good read!'