The Gospel of Doubt

The way of faith is familiar, in some fashion, to most. The initial enthusiasm can be equal parts fanaticism and addiction, tempered with doubt. Can this be real? Is he for real? Am I worthy of this attention? Is this a path I really want to walk? Perhaps my dismal comfort zone is "enough."

When we finally decide we are done testing the waters, and we are in with both feet, doubt does not recede. Instead, as we become a true follower of the way, doubt often increases as we learn how much we don't understand, and realize we are incapable, on our own, of clearing a bar set impossibly high. Our pride and ego are continually challenged.

Eventually, true discipleship may emerge from a cycle of boasting and emotional self-flagellation, of professions of faith and bitter denial. Ultimately, there is no path other than being sifted like wheat. The chaff gets very deep. 

The good news is that doubt is a sure sign that sifting is under way: that where there is chaff, there is grain.

These are the collected poems of Simon Bar-Jonah, also known to history as Simon Peter. Culled from the hundreds of complete verse and fragments extant, these most "finished" works span the years of Simon's apprenticeship with Jesus of Nazareth. 

You will not encounter here the sanitized saint of stained-glass windows and hagiography. These are the words of a deeply troubled man struggling with brokenness and pride, and encountering a kind of holiness completely outside his prior experience. And he would also likely observe that the Jesus with whom he walked was outside all our experience, as well.