The Last Schwartz

3m, 3f / Comedy The Schwartz family is on its last legs. Their father's dead and their Catskills home is up for sale. Norma's husband hasn't spoken to her since she turned their 15 year old son in for smoking pot. After five miscarriages it appears Herb's wife won't provide him with an heir. Simon has one foot on the moon. Gene's girlfriend is about to have an abortion. And nobody seems very clear about what it is to be a family anyway. What is it to be a family? Does anybody care any more? Is Judaism all there is to hold the family together? Or is that what it will take to push the family apart? As Simon says, the Earth as we know it is really on its last legs too. When all of mankind is blown into oblivion, who's going to care whether there were Jews? Or how hard a few generations fought to keep the faith alive? The Cherry Orchard takes a holiday in the Catskills as the Schwartz family congregates, maybe for the last time, on the one-year anniversary of their father's death. CHARACTERS NORMA. 45. The eldest Schwartz. The keeper of the flame. Fervently self-righteous and religious, but hungry for family. HERB. 40. The oldest Schwartz brother. Financial wizard. BONNIE. 30's. Herb's wife. Generally on the verge of hysteria. Weeps easily. Desperately wants a baby. Has converted to Judaism. SIMON. 35. The middle brother. An Astronomer. Going blind. He wears coke-bottle thick glasses, a very loose-fitting cotton outfit, and white gloves. GENE. 30. The youngest brother. Directs TV commercials. The family's golden boy and a bit of a kiss-up. KIA. 20. A starlet from L.A. She lives to have fun. Can turn any interaction into a party. "incendiary drama and wickedly self-deprecating humor ...she shows herself to be a vital new voice for the theater willing to wade into potentially abrasive waters and skillful enough to cut the sting with laughter." - Palm Beach Post "...a beautifully crafted new play that weaves hilarity, mystery and loss into a resonant tale about a family's disintegration." - The Miami Herald "The Last Schwartz is rollicking, sad, shocking, goofy, and thoughtful. It is comic drama firing on all cylinders, a superb work of theater by a playwright in full command of her considerable gift for character and dialogue." - The Washington Times