The Scottish Limerick Book

Surely it can't be done. But it has been done. For the first time in the history of mankind someone has been dedicated enough and fool enough to write a filthy limerick for every town in Scotland. From the Highlands and Islands to the Scottish Borders, from Whitburn to John o' Groats, The Scottish Limerick Book covers every city, town or village in the country that has a population of 3,000 or more. This unique volume provides the very finest in vulgar humour and gives them all a filthy limerick to call their own.

There are over 250 limericks in the book. A lot of them are hilarious. Most of them are very funny. All of them are filthy.

The Isle of Skye, Highland

When I was on the Isle of Skye
I overdid the old Spanish fly
I had a stiff member
From the fourth of December
Till Friday the tenth of July

Grangemouth, Falkirk

In Grangemouth there's an oil refinery
A port, a canal and a winery
And to thrill you to bits
All the girls have 10 tits
That is if you count them in binary

Galston, East Ayrshire

At Galston in the Valley of Irvine
I once ate a meal quite unnerving
The sausage gave me a shock
It looked just like my cock
Apart from its more pronounced curving

Beith, North Ayrshire

They staged a biblical play once in Beith
But the costumes were a little too brief
The end of Adam's wang
Did quite clearly hang
Out from under his tiny fig leaf

Larkhall, South Lanarkshire

At the fete in the town of Larkhall
A big hit was my sexual aids stall
Demand was so fantastic
For the vaginas in plastic
It just ended up in a brawl

Bishopton, Rensfrewshire

At a masochists' party in Bishop-ton
Not being one to be easily outdone
When a chap got out his dick
And whacked it with a stick
I got out mine and shot it with a gun