The Third Insurrection

Close your eyes, rub them six times with your right and left index fingers, and utter an incantation I will whisper to you. You now have a pitchfork in your hand, a scabby red tail, and unimaginably bad breath. Yes, you have morphed into Satan the Antichrist. Sadly, your first two insurrections failed miserably, landing you in the depths of Hell. But really, don't you want to try again? To usurp God and replace the Republic of Heaven with the Monarchy of Hell? After eons probing God's chinks, you have finally found the answer! Steal God's best buddy, the Book of Life, in which God inscribes the past and the future during the annual Days of Awe--and wrest control of the cosmos and hide it in a spot God, with all his powers, will be unable to find--the last second before eternity! This is just one subplot in a funny picaresque book, a reimagining of the most classic of works, the Bible, along with a wild ride through heaven, Hell, philosophy, morality, and astrophysics (how else would one be able to reach eternity's gate?), as well as an equally dramatic and surprising ending for our beleaguered protagonist.2