To be seen and not heard

She is used in reference to the writer, the previous version of herself. I, is used in reference to who she is now, or who she identified with during that time. Her is often used in reference to the female figures within her life, the figures they used to be and the representations of the parts of themselves that were the darkest and, at times, the lightest influencers for she. Scattered within are poems, written throughout her childhood. Little snapshots into her child voice during those times. She has written for most of her life and finds comfort in her ability to expel as much poison as possible through the written word. Read on about a girl who, for whatever reason, was never fully accepted or loved in the ways she needed, never able to fit within a category or gain an overall sense of belonging, regardless of how far and wide she searched. This story is not linear; it is messy and, at times, may be hard to follow. The timelines do not add up and it is not until the very last word, that all the pieces of the puzzle make sense and an overall understanding is gained. This is deliberate. This is a physical representation of the life in which she has lived and continues to. Come take this staggered journey within a story full of twists and turns. A PTSD episode structured piece that depicts lived experiences through the eyes of someone living each day with trauma. Come witness life through the eyes of her parent with PTSD and the effects that had on her, the child who never understood why she couldn't be loved like the other children, why she grew up to not be appreciated and seen for the adult she was, and the fights held to gain the respect and love she deserved.