TommyInnit's Guide to Survival

This book will single-handedly eradicate the need for parenting and schools. It's that useful. It's a cruel, cruel world out there, a harrowing place filled with crime and illnesses, taxes and grief. And swans. But help is finally here. TommyInnit's Guide to Survival will teach you how to: - Navigate peer pressure using simple, fun solutions, such as violence - Survive being mugged, by humans or animals - Become famous in various ways, some of which are even morally defensible - Fall in love - with other actual humans - Overcome the mean voice in your head - Quickly and easily defeat Godzilla, sharks with arms . . . and swans When the apocalypse hits, you need to be ready! So read this book. Read it hard. And then read it again.