Too Tired to Fight: 13 Essential Conflicts Parents Must Have to Keep Their Relationship Strong

Decode the 13 conflicts that derail many couples’ communication after kids—like what you’re really saying when you fight about discipline or diapers, and how to work through tough issues together—from popular Instagram counselors Erin Mitchell, MACP, and Stephen Mitchell, PhD (@couples.counseling.for.parents).

Parenting changes a couple’s relationship in fundamental ways, but most parents are too exhausted from dealing with kids, work, and the demands of life to prioritize their relationship. This can lead to repeated conflict and an overwhelming sense of anxiety, anger, hurt, and even loneliness…just when you need your partner’s support the most. The good news: conflict is actually a sign you are striving to connect with your mate—you’re just missing the mark.

In Too Tired to Fight, parenting couple Erin and Stephen Mitchell use their over twenty years of counseling experience to walk couples through the 13 conflicts that are not just expected but necessary to keep a partnership strong once kids enter the picture, such as:

The “My Life Has Changed and Yours Hasn’t” Conflict • The “You Don’t Trust Me as a Parent” Conflict • The “I’m All Touched Out” Conflict • The “I Can’t Do Anything Right” Conflict • The “Whose Job Is This” Conflict • The “I’m So Stressed” Conflict • The “I’m More Tired Than You” Conflict • The “Where Do We Spend the Holidays” Conflict • The “My Way Is Right” Conflict • The “Should I Stay Home With the Kids” Conflict • The “Sex Life? What Sex Life?” Conflict • The “I Hate Your Family” Conflict • The “Why Can’t You Just Get Over It” Conflict

In each scenario, they show how this conflict plays out in a family—and offer scripts, exercises, and their “fighting right” equation to transform that conflict into connection, in the moment. Their secret: by intentionally expressing and intentionally listening to your partner—not just venting or reacting to your stress response system—you can work through the “pain points” of parenthood, together, and actually make your relationship happier and healthier as a result.