You Auto-Complete Me

Emily is back in this complete rewrite of The Year My Life Went Down the Loo. Told in text messages, You Auto-Complete Me updates the tale of now-adult Emily, her year spent in England, and all her friends.

EMSTER What, you're not here?

DRU I'm here. What's up, buttercup?

EMSTER I have things to tell you!

DRU So tell. I was sext...er...texting the BF.

EMSTER !!!

DRU J/K. Dish, sister.

EMSTER Reasons why my life has gone to hell in a handbasket:

In debt up to my armpits due to having to work off paying for ex-boss's car.

DRU Shouldn't have hit that cop car, huh?

EMSTER Forced to give up adorable apartment to live back with the parents while I pay off ex-boss' car.

DRU Also shouldn't have lipped off to the judge who garnished your wages.

EMSTER Forced to go with very same parents to England for a year.

DRU Dude.

EMSTER OK, that's not really bad, but I'm on a roll. Humor me.

EMSTER Biggest reason life is messed up: Friends with Benefits Fang isn't around to indulge in benefitting.

DRU You got me there. But cheer up, little Emily - life can't get any worse can it?