You Can't Say That to Me

You can't say that to me! "Can't you do anything right?" "I can'tbelieve you would feed that junk to your child!" "What is this? Anddon't tell me it's a casserole, I already know that." "If youreally cared about me, you wouldn't behave this way." Soundfamiliar? Each of us occasionally feels the sting of veryunpleasant language from those who are closest to us--spouses,employers, friends, relatives. But frequent and repeated use ofunanswerable questions, scalding accusations, sarcasm,insinuations, and even icy silence is more than simply unpleasant;it is abusive, destructive, and frequently leads to escalatingarguments and physical violence. Suzette Haden Elgin, creator ofthe "Gentle Art of Verbal Self-Defense," has developed a unique andrevolutionary way to break the cycle of verbal violence andeliminate it from your life--without ruining your marriage, riskingyour job, or alienating friends or loved ones. Dr. Elgin shows youhow to neutralize verbal attacks and discourage future abusewith: * An 8-step program that helps you recognize the patterns of verbalabuse * Specific language techniques that enable you to avoid escalatingarguments and break the cycle of abuse using skills you alreadypossess * Questionnaires and diaries that help you analyze abusivesituations, evaluate your responses to them, and track yourprogress In this book Dr. Elgin proves that verbal abuse is not caused byhuman nature, but by language. She helps you discover that you arean expert in your own language, already highly qualified to solvethis problem for yourself, quickly and forever.