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MEMBERS OF A SMALL CHURCH GATHERED TOGETHER TO PRAY FOR their youth leader and four boys who were about to embark on a mission trip to Mexico. Seventeen days later, all five of them were dead. Life painfully changed after the accident. After the horrific experience of recovering the bodies and evading a greedy American Embassy in Mexico, I returned home to find little in the way of solace from the church family I was counting on. Instead, I was expected to be a strong example of Christian faith for everyone else. Attempting to conceal my emotional struggle would eventually cause me to question both my sanity and relationship with God. Being assured that the accident was all part of "His plan", my concept of God turned into one of a cold and callus monarch. This wasn't the God I had signed up for.