I Am. abandoned

I was a teenager that had cancer. Then I developed seizures and a phobia. My life was terror. I could go almost nowhere and do almost nothing. I was misdiagnosed, misunderstood and mistreated. My neurologist doctors thought I was a stupid, ignorant mess. I was told that I had thought up and then acted on this problem that was all just in my head. I was so engulfed by my own huge pain -though very valid- that I ended up hurting some of the people that I loved. How could anyone relate? Family extended and nearest to me, friends, doctors....

And why was it that in all this, the God I had learned about in my Charismatic Pentecostal church allowed me to continue hurting? I prayed and screamed and cried but nothing. I thought He must have abandoned me. Where was this Jesus that 'loves all the children of the world'? Where was this Jesus that came to die for me because He loved me so much? Where was this guy that I had learned so many memory Bible verses about? I sure wasn't going to stand by and serve this Jesus or God -or whatever- if this Jesus wasn't going to help me. Because I was sure that helping me was the same thing as doing exactly what I wanted, when I wanted it.

And then it happened all over again in my adulthood... or almost all. How do I fill the part of a wife and mom while living with a problem that I barely got through as a teenager? And throw in there some word of faith misinterpretation and we are really having fun. Maybe just name and claim it is the way to go?

Are you hurting? I get it, I really do. Find some company for your misery that you're sure no one understands. Find some reprieve that you never thought possible.

Blaire LaClare Koop's non-fiction, memoir/personal development book is geared towards teens -not just Christian teens either,it is broader than just that. If you're a parent or caregiver with a hurting child -especially a hurting teen- you probably would take any insight into what's going through that kid's mind. And I'm sure there are some moms -and even dads- out there that are living with great physical, emotional and/or mental pain that you can barely function with, let alone keep up the appearance of a 'normal' hockey/sport/school/PTA/public member.

I have included approximately 15 poems that were written by me during my teen horror and agony. They were an outlet for my pain and even now, express the pain that I can't/couldn't even put into words. I have also included 25, short, 20/20 hind sights. Most of them about God (aka that "Jesus guy").

Yes, I know, hurting teens hearing from adults who say that were in pain once upon a time might seem really hard to fathom... adults are so old and dusty that they can't remember what it was like to be a tortured youth, right? Think again... because while I might realize that a boyfriend breaking up with you isn't the worst thing in the world though it seems really big to you right now, the pain of the se...