Losing and Finding My Father

Losing and Finding My Father is an adult daughter's journey of discovery sparked by the illness, coma, and subsequent death of her father. Having struggled for years to come to terms with a childhood marked by his invalidation and abuse, she attends to her ailing father, converses with him even during his coma, and uncovers the love hidden deep within their painful relationship. It is a story of loss -- loss of childhood trust, loss of self-esteem and desire for intimacy, loss of the father. Ultimately, it is a story of revelation -- about finding one's voice, softening emotional armor, forgiving the past, creating pathways to intimacy, and revising one's life story.

Losing and Finding My Father offers a promise of growth and healing to children (and parents) of all ages and weaves together the following themes:
- Challenging cultural attitudes about grief
- Exploring "right relationship" with having been abused as a child
- Authentic forgiveness
- The power of emotions to heal
- Conscious caretaking
- Developing the capacity to have a healthy intimate relationship by healing one's inner template for men

The book also offers a substantial appendix of self-help tools and exercises.

From the foreword by Richard Schwartz, PhD, developer of the Internal Family Systems model of psychotherapy:
"When her father was dying, Kira Freed had the courage to take the healing path. Her carefully and beautifully documented journey provides a model for anyone who might consider this difficult route."

"If you've experienced the loss of a loved one who was a source of pain and challenges throughout your life, reach for Kira Freed's book Losing and Finding My Father. Her poignant stories, processing tools, and personal healing will give you hope, guidance, and a way forward -- through and beyond your own grief."
-- Carol McClelland, PhD, author of The Seasons of Change: Using Nature's Wisdom to Grow Through Life's Inevitable Ups and Downs

"Losing and Finding My Father is Kira Freed's personal story, and this story is a teaching tale. In it, Kira shares her journey of resolving the effects of living with an abusive father whom she also loved deeply. Throughout, we are invited to share in the complex legacy of trauma intertwined with the healing opportunities that Kira courageously engaged. She also includes an appendix filled with a variety of approaches she used to support her healing -- powerful resources and practices for anyone taking this journey."
-- Nancy J. Napier, LMFT, author of Getting Through the Day: Strategies for Adults Hurt as Children

"Kira has written a poignant and intimate account of her father's dying and of her grief. In clear language she shares with us the struggles, pain, healings and even transformation that so many of us have experienced with the death of a parent. Reading her book will both comfort and inspire you."
-- Alexandra Kennedy, psychotherapist and author of Losing a Parent and The Infinite Thread