The Dance of Deception

Pretending, says Harriet Lerner, is so closely associated with femininity that it is, quite simply, what the culture teaches women to do. Truth-telling is, on the other hand, closely linked to whatever is most essential in people's lives. It is the foundation of authenticity, self-regard, intimacy, integrity and joy. In this book, Dr Lerner first looks at when and why women are often compelled to pretend - to protect themselves and their relationships - and goes on to discuss the difference between privacy and secrecy, why women have a hard time telling the truth even when they want to, and all the ramifications of pretending and truth-telling, in the most intimate relationships and in society as a whole. She shows how pretending sets up false scenarios and artificial bonds, and blocks possibilities for deeper intimacy and the potential for healing. This book offers women insight into their own behaviour, as well as the behaviour of others, and provides guidance for changing behaviour patterns that stand in the way of intimacy. It also shows how the commonality of female experience allows women to share what they feel is most shameful and private, allowing them to challenge old lies and myths, and create the space for truth in their lives.